Sunday Reflections

Today I've been reflecting a lot on our experiences of the last few days. There is definitely something to be learned from all of our experiences in life, even the really horrible ones. Today at church people asked me how things went in Houston, and that was the word that I could best use to describe it - horrible. The staff we worked with were wonderful and I'm glad that we've taken one step further in destroying the cancer in Grace's eyes, but to see your child in so much pain is not something any parent would like to see. Any one who has dealt with pain management knows that it is far easier to keep it under control than it is to chase it and bring it back into check. It took 8 hours of getting 2mg of morphine every two hours to bring it back under control and even then she didn't go longer than 3 hours before she needed another dose of morphine over the next 24 hours. Then we were finally able to wean her onto tylenol with codeine syrup.

 So why have I been reflecting on this today? During the sacrament at church I thought of how much pain Jesus suffered on our behalf. Far more than Gracie did. And His father had to just watch him go through that, he wasn't able to pick him up and hold him as I did with my little girl. He had to do it on his own. This week's experience has helped me to internalize how difficult this must have been as now I too have watched my child suffer and felt how hard it is. At least I was able to hold my little girl.  Today is my oldest child's 7th birthday. I've been a mom for 7 short years. In that time I've had my son go for surgery. I've seen my kids be sick and have minor injuries. But this past week is the first time I've seen one of my kids really suffer in pain. The love which our Father in Heaven has for us must be so strong. He knowingly sent his Son to this earth with the intent of suffering for all the sins of the world. And Jesus Christ, Our Saviour willingly did so. What comfort this has given me to know that He knows EXACTLY what it feels like to suffer this much pain, and to watch one's own child have to go through this. I hope this experience never repeats itself, that Gracie's next injections are not as painful as this one was. I wish she didn't have to hurt as badly as she did on Thursday and Friday. I've always thought people were foolish when they declare their gratitude for their trials in life. I am not grateful for this trial, nor will I ever be. I am however grateful for the lessons I've learned through this experience.  I'm so grateful for the renewed appreciation that I've received for the atonement of my Saviour Jesus Christ and His love for me and my family. And I'm grateful that He is always with us and does not leave us comfortless. 

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." John 14 : 27 & 18

Stephanie