Home Again

So how does it feel to be done chemo? Actually I have pretty mixed emotions. As I've mentioned before in the week preceeding the EUA I'm always nervous, usually starting Sunday night (she always has her EUA on Thursday). So I was nervous as usual, but it started a little early this time - maybe around Friday. But then after we spoke to Dr. P. about the EUA results the best descriptions for my feelings is giddy. I was so excited about everything being the last time. On Friday night James and I gave a cheer when they hung the last bag of chemo (I had fallen asleep by the time they took it down). I just thought that we only have to go through one more nadir, one more Neulasta injection, 3 more weeks of staying home from church and play group and all the other fun things we'd like to do, hopefully only 2 more platelets transfusions.

 As we were walking out of the hospital Saturday morning tears started to form in my eyes in the hallway. By the time we got in the elevators they were running down my cheeks and by the time we got to our car I was full out crying. Here we are done chemo. 6 rounds ago I thought we'd be completely through with this cancer by the time we were done the chemo. And we're not. I know cancer will always be a part of our lives now, but THIS cancer was supposed to be gone by now. And we're really not planning on dealing with another one, but we know we'll always have to screen. But right now the tumors are still there. We still don't know what treatments we're going to do next. Are we going to do radiation? Dr. M. assured me that because the vision is still so good no one is in a hurry to do an enucleation for the time being, but it's still on the table. These are why the feelings are mixed. I felt a mixture of pure happiness and stress. I wish this was over, but it's not, so I'm trying to focus on the positive.

 I still get giddy when I think about chemo being done. This morning I gave Gracie her very last Neulasta injection which is a huge deal because it burns like a son of a gun. She and I both hate it. We threw a mini party when it was done. Last night we had an end of chemo party and Grandma made us cinnamon buns and buns for desert and sloppy joes (have I mentioned how much I love it when family is here to visit). We plan on having lots of "parties" this month to celebrate the last of something or other. We've promised Gracie and our other girls a REAL end of cancer party when this cancer is truly gone, and we're getting excited for that and hope it won't be too far away. We're doing a "Go Away Cancer! Go AWAY!" cheer in our family, Gracie is getting really good at it. So we're going to continue being happy, continue celebrating that Gracie doesn't have to go through any more of this horrible chemo and the aftermath it causes and continue cheering loudly Go Away Cancer! Go AWAY!! And above all we'll continue to thank God every day for the many, many blessings that we have in our lives.

Stephanie