The Day Before

Tomorrow is another big day for Gracie as she goes for EUA #10. If there is new growth tomorrow then our decision most likely will be to remove her right eye. It's been a difficult month anticipating the results of tomorrow. A few months ago my friend asked me if Gracie's cancer was the first thing I thought about every morning, at the time the answer was no. But now it's definitely the first thing I think about every morning and the last thing I think about every night. I wake up in the middle of the night, just to think about it some more. I have cried myself to sleep more in the last month than I have in my entire life, because I've worried about all the what if's. How grateful I am that James is always there to hold me and just be there for me on those nights.

 But finally after struggling all month, and off and on since her diagnosis in August, I have peace. I could let myself fall into fear and worry again it's not that far behind me, but I choose to hold onto that peace. Really we have done all we are willing to do in order to save her eyes. The risks of other treatments are not worth their potential benefits. We've done our part and now it is with complete confidence in the loving and merciful nature of our Lord that we completely turn her care over to Him. We know God is capable of taking this cancer away from her, and keeping both of her eyes. He made her, He knows every piece of her DNA, He knows how to fix this problem. We still pray that that is what He wants for her and what His plan is for our little girl. But if not, we still know that God has perfect knowledge and perfect wisdom. If He decides Gracie needs to lose her eye I know it is because that is what Gracie and those around her need to become the best they can be. He really does know what he's doing. And He loves my girl more than I can even comprehend. When I remember that, I know that no matter what the outcome of tomorrow is everything will turn out just marvelously. 

Stephanie